If It walks Like A Dick..

      As females, we tend to get ourselves into crappy situations with a certain type of guy. You know the type.. Totally charming and mysterious but a complete and utter douche! We think that we can get away with sleeping with these womanisers without losing their respect and completely shattering our own self-esteem. Well, we can't. And even when we know that they've probably done this sort of thing 101 times with more girls than we can imagine, we try to convince ourselves that we are different and that we, somehow, have this magical ability to change the way these guys are. We try to believe that we are that one special girl that has a chance with them and due to this way of thinking (and my lack of self-restraint and large amounts of alcohol consumption), I recently found it incredibly difficult to stick to a golden rule:

If you like him, DON'T sleep with him. (Well.. at least not as quick as I tend to.)

The Outs and Ins of the Incredibly Ludicrous and Embarrassing Encounter with Just Another Promoter of London's Nightlife

told to you by 

The Honest Young Lady

     Okay *deep breath*... My group of girlfriends have recently started hanging with this group of cool, attractive young men who run events and PR at a prestigious club in Central London. As my friend Hanna is seeing a guy in the group, it's now a regular thing for us to see them and we go to the club where they work. Things seem to be going pretty well with Hanna; she and this guy are taking it slow and they are yet to sleep together. I, on the other hand, took my pick out of this cult of fine young men and, somehow, I managed to pick the team man-whore. Typical. (I must have a 6th sense when it comes to locating the biggest ass-hole in a group of males and making him my problem.) Anyway, we were all out clubbing and the guy I'd set my sights on (let's call him John) started to touch my hand and get a bit gropey in the club crowd. It wasn't long before John and I were flirting with each other discreetly and when the club closed, the guys invited my group of girlfriends back to "chill" with them. John and I kissed in the taxi back to their place and shortly after we all arrived at their apartment, I was upstairs with him and we were making noise. The fact is, however, all night I was saying to myself "I will NOT sleep with this guy!" because I knew he was the type I could potentially have feelings for and I wouldn't let this go as a one night stand. If we were going to have sex, John was going to like me, god damn it! But, obviously, alcohol got the better of me and I just gave into his charm and slept with him anyway (despite my extensive knowledge of these situations!). Then, although he didn't even attempt to speak to me afterwards (although he claims he did), a few days later we went out with the same guys again and I ended up going back with John and we slept together AGAIN! How very silly, I know. He made a small effort of conversation via text message after I left the next morning and I thought that was going to be that last of it until the next time we saw them, which to my surprise was 2 days later when I received a message from John inviting me out with them again. It was odd because non of the other girls had been asked, not even Hanna had a clue so you could imagine how important I felt when it was just me. The message said the night would start out a "small gathering" at their apartment before we would all get taxis to the regular club we go to party. Great! 

      So.. Last night I turned up to John's place arm in arm with Hanna; both with our outfits, hair and make-up carefully devised to look effortlessly glamorous and respectably revealing. I had a glass or two of wine before I left my place and I was ready for whatever would happen that night. To my surprise, Despite my killer shoes and fabulous attempt at making my hair look like I wake up every morning with a head of waves that cascade perfectly without a strand out of place, John barely said a word to me. All night. Not at their place and not at the club afterwards! Why would he invite me and barely speak to me?! I mean, I know that just because I slept with the guy (on two occasions, may I add!), it doesn't automatically make me a priority but seriously?! It turns out the aloofness that I once found sexy and mysterious just turned out to be rudeness. So yes, the ever so lovely John was just as I suspected and I suppose I won't be jumping into bed with him anytime soon!   

And.. here it is

Just to add salt in the wound.

        I met a really sweet girl, Lucy, at the club and Hanna and I spent a great deal of time talking with her towards the end of the night. We were chatting away and Lucy mentioned how she was upset about a guy who works at the club we were in. She wouldn't tell us who he was but she explained how she let her guard down and slept with him a couple of times and now he's completely ignoring her and she has now realised that he does it all the time with a lot of girls from the clubs. "They're all the same, these promoters!" We giggled through gulps of free champagne! And after a great deal of dancing, more alcohol and my few failed attempts of trying to pry out of Lucy the name of this douche of a man that had hurt her, Lucy finally lifted her index finger off her glass just enough to point in the direction of the ever so lovely gentleman I had slept with just two nights before!
       Well.. It turns out they really are all the same. And, by that, I mean the same guy. Ouch. 
"Oh, no way!" I said casually whilst trying my hardest to hide the telepathic screaming conversation I was having with Hanna who was still trying to pick her jaw up from the floor! It was hella awkward! I felt so guilty that I didn't end up telling Lucy about my extremely similar experience with the same person and I don't intend to- out of pure embarrassment and shame!   

Lessons Learned: You should think twice when it comes to guys who flirt with girls for a living. 

If it walks like a dick and talks like a dick .. it works in a nightclub.

From me, to you.

The Honest Young Lady. 



photograph: Sarah Haney